my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
ttyl tear gas
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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