This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize