3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
3pm strippers are depressing
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
