Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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