Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
