apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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