dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize