i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
