fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
