piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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