You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize