I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
