i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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