remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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