How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
