just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
