Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
