Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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