We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
this boner is exhausting
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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