i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize