In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
