my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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