Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
