This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
