Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
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