I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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