that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
