I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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