Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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