im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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