I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just forgot I was standing up.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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