Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
