bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
