Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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