At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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