Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
