Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
