we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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