I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
