Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
