bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize