Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
