I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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