i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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