he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
