My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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