Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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