All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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