My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
