My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
