Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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