hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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