I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dear god my vagina.
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