I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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