We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
