i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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