So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
