The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
