I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
