Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
