I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
