Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
