Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
