shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
