My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
