I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
